IT'S WAR!!!

Okay...

It would seem I've misplaced my bike. There are two possible explanations for this... one, I'm an idiot; or two, someone else is an idiot and has greatly overestimated my sense of humor, and is now sitting behind some computer, reading this and laughing at me... I'LL FIND YOU! DON'T THINK I WON'T.... Easy. Simmer. Urge to kill fading... fading... Anyway, I sincerely hope for the sake of all mankind that it's the former. It's long been my belief that success and good fortune in one's life must be balanced by adversity and shortcomings. Now, I've lost track of where I am, and I'm not sure if this particular incident is a reality check for everything that's gone right this year, or if this is some new and unprovoked problem for which I must pursue retribution. I'm assuming the latter.

So here's how it's gonna work...
Should the bike resurface by year's end (not likely), all will be forgotten. Or, should I find a girlfriend by year's end (even less likely), that would be enough to offset my loss. Or, should I track down the unfortunate soul who has somehow come into possession of my bike (even less likely), I'll tie them up somewhere on the engineering quad and pelt them with rotten fruit. (I'm not one to inflict injury; searing public humiliation will suffice.) And then all will be forgotten. Otherwise, all humanity owes me, big time. I shall wreak terrible vengeance on you all... No one will be spared... NO ONE!!!.... Okay... settle... happy thoughts... right... You've been warned